fears

When what you fear most in life happens, something in you changes. All the little fears slowly start to dissipate and all the times before then that you questioned your happiness seem so silly. You would do anything to spill coffee all over yourself or to argue about the weather; because on those days when you thought things were going wrong, you took advantage of what was going so incredibly right.

You become someone who is no longer scared of driving over 90 mph when you never exceeded the speed limit of 70 on the highway. You become someone who can walk through the dark and into a church by yourself when you were someone who slept with the light on for years. You become someone who you do not know so well, because you begin to lose sight of the person who did.

When that happens, when you become this person, the days are much longer and the nights are shorter and the world is just too, damn, quiet. But while the days are long, your mind reaches a depth it has never visited before. You are someone who begins to painfully, but gratefully, see beauty in everything. And not that you never saw it before, but you gain something else. You have a different kind of insight to pain and to individuality and you see people, you listen to it all. You see differences, you see sameness, and you see the world as if you were looking down at it. People for people and love for love. You see worries that some have and you see your old self in their shoes; worrying, but you wonder why. Do they not see all that they have? I do not think they do. And I think that is why these things happen – why we become fearless and why we are put into situations that make us question all we have ever known – because we are supposed to search; to search for ourselves and to fight for feelings lost only to be found, because once we see the days and the nights that are long for better reasons, we can hear the world again, and it is no longer painfully silent but it is wonderfully loud, and we will no longer be blind to the happiness that comes back to us.

And it will come back to us.

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