heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break

Ladies and Gents, indeed they will, but you just gotta shake it off.

If someone would have told me this three months ago, I would have shyly smiled and ignored it because life had been so incredibly perfect for four years. But, it happens. It did happen. And the worst part is that it happens from the one person you least expected; the dark horse. I didn’t believe them when they told me that, either. I believed him when he said he loved me, when he said he’d already known the idea of his proposal to me since day one, when the light in his eyes sparkled each time he saw my face. I didn’t believe him when he said one day it changed, when he said he didn’t want us back. I didn’t believe him when he left me completely in the dark to fulfill whatever happiness he thought he was going to find. I didn’t believe it because a month before we were so hopelessly in love, and I didn’t believe it because I could never do that to him. Because the man I knew could never do that at all, not to me, not to anyone. And that’s the thing about heartbreak.. there is no way to prepare you for it. Life surprises us in the most cruelest ways sometimes and it’s something that feels impossible to come back from. But, we do come back from it. And even though we do, even though these things happen.. we’re all only human. That being said, it does not, in any way, mean that you should shrug it off so lightly. The future is ahead but the past is still a big part of our lives.

I was still the most important person in your life for four years. You didn’t have to forget I existed and just tell yourself that I’d be fine – you know that, right? You said you’re sorry I hate you, but how could I not? You know how much I want to but you know how hard that is. I hope you know what you did to me was the worst way you could have done it. I hope you know that I understand we need to do things for ourselves sometimes, but I loved you with everything. You and I were so much more than how we ended. And I deserved so much more than what you put me through. You said I don’t deserve to be put through this. But, you do know that the gun was in your hand.. don’t you? You could have put it down. But you kept it, fully loaded. Fully loaded with not one bullet left once it was all over. I understand that heartbreak happens… but I hope you understand what you have done.

You were right about one thing: I am a great person and I will be fine, I am. The day has come that I dance around to “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” and all the other tswift songs that make me realize how much better I am than you and how one day you’ll look back and regret what you’ve done to me. But, there are also the songs that have made me realize hate is not the answer, a bigger heart is. A big heart that you shattered and lost, but one that I put back together myself – and one day I’ll wish the same happiness for you, too.

With that being said, to all you readers, heartbreak is heartbreak and there is no way to put that lightly – because it is not something that is felt lightly.

And what the hell do you do when that happens, right?

Well, you just do the very best you can. You have to give all of yourself to the life you have even though it’ll feel like there is very little of you left to give. Easier said than done and done much longer than hoped for. But you do have to believe in whatever you find that’s left that exists for you to believe in. Because there is no way to prepare for ourselves for these kinds of things. Sure, we watch movies and hear sad songs and see people we love go through it, but there isn’t anything quite close enough to the real thing. And then one day it just happens; and you’re blindsided. But that’s the thing – when tragedy strikes at the most unexpected moments, I don’t think we’re supposed to be prepared. Life does surprise us in cruel ways, but when it does – the shocking, earth-shattering moment is what, eventually, forces us to bring out the little fight we have left inside of us. I suppose that it’s just so crucially important that in these moments we remember that there will come a day that we’ll appreciate sunrises and sunsets and to laugh just because.

Because despite what happens, I believe that true love exists, and we all deserve this one thing: the fight. The fight – the one that I was hopelessly fighting for the boy who I so truly believed deep down was the one. But there comes a time that we realize maybe we’re fighting for the wrong person, even though they never seemed so right. Maybe we are fighting for the right person, but we’ll never truly know until we just let go. No matter what, there comes a time that we stop fighting and let the fight we deserve come to us. There comes a time that you take down all the pictures and canvases and memories off the wall – a goodbye to the past and cheers to what is to come – a time you dance around and sing songs and cry and laugh because you finally can. A time that you spend the days daydreaming of your own future. Times that you do things you never thought you’d do before, like go crowd surfing or take a spontaneous trip to a state you’ve never visited; like apply for that internship in Chicago and maybe even New York City (because why not?) or maybe start a blog where you share your entire life to the whole world and anyone willing to read. And maybe, just maybe, you find that the happy ending wasn’t because of him. It wasn’t because you went crowd surfing or climbed a mountain or wrote a book, but you find that the happy ending was all because of you. Because through all the sleepless nights and used tissues and “my life is over” moments, through the unexpected cruelty life surprises us with… somehow, you found yourself. And somehow, that was worth all the happiness in the world.